I know it’s been forever since I have made a blog post or at least it feels like it for me. I have recently moved into a cute little one bedroom apartment in Santa Rosa, CA with my amazing boyfriend and let’s just say my life has been getting pretty hectic. I want to be candid with all of you when I say I have simply been overwhelmed with being a full-time student at Santa Rosa Junior College and part-time worker at my new job at Plato’s Closet. Between my classes, work schedule and social life I just get so wrapped up in it all that I rarely put time for myself to just relax. I am very much an introverted person and need time to myself to recharge and re-balance myself, but lately that time has been getting less and less which in turn creates this stressful and overworked version of myself that I just don’t like. All of my free time I basically just want to sleep which feels good in the moment but when I have to get right back up and do something that requires a lot of my attention it can feel like too much. I don’t want to sound like I am complaining about having this full life where I have a job and am going to school and also have this place to live at with the person I love, and my friends and family are just a phone call away, but that doesn’t mean all that stuff is easy and doesn’t wear me out because it does and can lead to real problems if not handled correctly.
From a young age I new life was a balancing act because I have never dealt with stress well and in order to do so I had to plan everything in a way that didn’t conflict with other parts of my life. When I started high school I really understood how these emotions could negatively manifest themselves. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder my sophomore year and from then on I have been continuously finding new ways to cope with it on a daily basis. At this point in my life I am able to handle it before it consumes me and will excuse myself from any situation where I can feel it building inside of me. However there are those days when it just comes out of nowhere when I am driving or in a position I can’t easily get out of and those days are very scary. I don’t want this post to be all about my anxiety, but I do want to touch on it because people just like me deal with this everyday and yes it is a part of who I am and I live with it, but it also isn’t everything about me and if you or someone you know has this disorder just know that there are ways to help and there are options out there for you whether it be talking to a therapist or taking prescribed medications, but the most helpful one is just surrounding yourself with people who care about you and are going to be there for you because it can be really hard and just having people to talk to really helps.
With that being said, I am in my second year of college at SRJC and it has been tough, I am not going to lie. Of course I am blessed to be here but in all honesty I feel like a freshman again. I feel so new and homesick, but I have to remind myself I have been through all of this before in Santa Barbara which I am homesick for as well. More than anything I miss seeing my dear friends. It is always exciting for me to see them doing well and thriving wherever they are at and I know that I will get there eventually. For all my freshman out there just know it does get better. Feeling uncomfortable in the new place you have moved to is completely natural and it’s only because you haven’t settled into the routine of your new life yet. With so many new experiences and faces it can be overwhelming and you are going to miss the ease of your life at home, but just know that is all part of the process and in a matter of time you will feel better, trust me.
As of right now I still feel like the new girl in town, but I know it’s only a matter of time before everything feels normal again. I just can’t wait to have the time to really explore this new place and start to settle in to my new life here because I found in my first year of college that it was really important to me to explore my surroundings and get a feel for my new environment because it can be so easy to just go to class, go to work and then come home. However, it wasn’t until I got out of my comfort zone a bit and started to get out of this bubble I had made for myself where I really started to feel like I was flourishing and growing as a person. That would be my advice to any of you out there who have just moved or are feeling out-of-place. Get out there and experience new things and just have fun. I know this part of my life is supposed to be the best, but it is also the hardest and that is okay because I know that everything I go through no matter where I am is helping me to be the person I have always wanted to be. So, for my freshmen and people out there just trying to feel balanced again, just don’t give up and don’t go home. Allow yourself to be independent and know that you got this and that there are people who believe in you and want to see you succeed and be happy.
If any of you need anyone to talk to about any of the things I have written about in this post please don’t be afraid to reach out to me because we are all going through stuff and I understand if you need someone to lean on. More than anything if this post was able to help anyone see that they aren’t alone in what they are going through than my job is done. I hope all of you are doing well and that you were able to understand a bit more about what I am going through and where I am at in life.